Talking to Children About COVID-19

It is likely that most of us are experiencing some sense of surreal feelings as we watch events around the world unfold. These events create a largely unknown territory for parents in guiding their children. With schools and colleges closing down a message is sent regarding the seriousness of the virus. Closings and lock-downs are obviously not congruent with a message such as ‘this is no big-deal.’

It isn’t just our school age children that are looking to us. I’ve been observing college-age and young adult kids also looking to their parents and listening to how they are responding. It can be hard to know how to respond, especially when you may be experiencing increased levels of anxiety yourself. Here are some thoughts.

First, listen before talking. Create conversation space where your kids can express their concerns fully, before you jump in with re-assurances. When you child asks a question, such as “How bad is this?”, rather than answering, say “You sound worried. Can you tell me more?” Humans often feel better just sharing their concerns without really getting answers, especially when there aren’t definitive answers. Mental health is often times characterized by learning to live with the questions, and that is something we can work on right now.

Second, after listening, it is okay to ‘join’ by saying something like, ‘I’m worried too. This is a really hard time.” Make sure you don’t process your own feelings with your kids, i.e. receiving support from them – you want to remain the strong parent. But you can simply share a feeling, “I’m finding myself confused at times, and trying to figure things out.”

Third, offer realistic reassurance. Avoid use of the work ‘fine’ and ‘okay’, as in “We are going to be fine” or “Everything will be okay.” Fine is an acronym for Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Bottom line is those statements are not realistic and kids can tell. Realistic reassurance is along the lines of “This is a little scary. We are going to be there for one-another” or “We will get through this by sticking together, being kind to one-another and following precautions from doctors and experts.” Reassurance for your child(ren) should include some reminder of family and relationship.

Fourth, stay in the present. None of us know for sure what the next 7-10 days will bring, and we certainly don’t know what things will look like a year from now. So, don’t go there with either unrealistic assurances, or with dooms-day predictions. The rule here is: Don’t Borrow Trouble From the Future. Offer statements about today and tomorrow, and offer structure: “Today we are going to have some fun staying home and looking through photographs. I’ll fix lunch around 1:00, then we are going to watch a movie.”

Fifth, turn trouble or negativity upside down. For example, if your kids see people hoarding toilet paper and it freaks them out a little, stay calm and suggest being generous. Take a roll of TP, put it in a bag with a bow, and let them play “ring and run” and place it on a neighbors front porch. If your kids see someone being rude, respond with the opposite – be kind. Maybe you have a neighbor who is a senior citizen and SHOULD NOT be going out for anything – you can offer to pick up some groceries or medications for them. The rule here is to turn negativity into positivity.

Last, attend to your own self-care. This is spiking anxiety for many of us, me included. Send an email to coronaselfcare@gmail.com and you will receive a reply with suggested self-care suggestions and helpful self-care links. You can also send self-care ideas that you are using. These ideas will also be posted here at riverridgecounseling.com.